The pain I felt when our relationship ended is indescribable. The first few months were physically and mentally unbearable. I had a hard time understanding how everything we planned could slip away so quickly. We were planning a future together and in the blink of an eye it was over.
I didn’t know how I was going to get over him and a part of me didn’t want to get over him. I was in a deep fog. At times it felt like I was driving down a cloudy road with no visible escape. I remember waking up each morning and going through the motions, heading into the office, then going to class, and coming home – day in and day out, I was existing. Most days were filled with tears and I found it difficult to manage very basic task. I felt most comfortable sitting in bed watching reality television and drifting off to sleep. Sleeping was my only escape from grief.
I remember isolating myself from the world, because I didn’t want to hear anyone’s thoughts, views, or opinions. My ears would burn when anyone would uttered the words “it isn’t that serious”.
For almost 1 year I slept often and withdrew from friends, family, and activities – because I didn’t feel like anyone understood or could relate to the depths of my pain. More important, I could not understand why they were so happy when the world seemed to be closing in on me. I felt like everyone expected me to pick up the pieces, put a smile on my face, and carry on with life. How could I deny my feelings? How could I close the door on our story? My world was shattered, my hopes and dreams were stripped away, and I was at war – internally.
The endless sorrow continued for many months and the pain nearly broke me.
Until one day I had began writing. Writing became my outlet. Writing help me move past being in a space of brokenness to reclaim joy, peace, and happiness.
After overcoming brokenness and could not believe I allowed myself to suffer for so long. I didn’t want to share my story. I wanted to close the chapter and move on. I didn’t want anyone to know the old me- after all I broke up with her too. I chose to safeguard my story but that didn’t last too long – once you learn the secret sauce to anything the world wants you to share.
Stay tuned as I share my journey with you in my upcoming post – for the first time
Thank you for sharing!!!