Relationships do not always last forever. Breaking up is hard enough when you do not have a child together and things are so much more complicated when you have a child together. Chances you are trying to process your emotions, comfort your child, manage separation arrangements, and deal with the responsibilities life can bring.
When relationships fail – it impacts the entire family. It hits everyone hard, especially the children. How children process their parents decision to separate will depend on the parents ability put their differences aside to focus on the well being of their child. Children require time, patience, and love as they adjust to their new life and manage process their emotions.
This requires love and support from both parents as they adjust to the changes. It is critical for both parents to accept the new dynamic of their relationship and move from being a couple to being partners in parenting.
The first thing you must do is deal with your own emotions.
It is normal to experience shock, confusion, anger, upset, fear, and worry. They often show up when you least expect it – they can even be trigged by a song or familiar smell.
Before your emotions get the best of you find five trusted friends or family members and ask them to be apart of your support team, as you go through the healing process. Most important if you have to cry – go outside. What I mean by this is it is ok to cry but you must try really hard not to do this in front of your child. When a meltdown occurs give yourself 15 minutes to get it out of your system – then it is time to move on with life.
The reality is crying isn’t going to change anything – you must learn to manage the pressure. Here are four things you can start doing today to manage:
Health – Eat well, get rest, and exerciseFaith – Reconnect and grow stronger in your faithPersonal Growth – Take up a new/old hobby, continue education, or start a businessSelf-Love/Self-Care – Start journaling, plan a girl’s trip, get pampered, and change up your wardrobe, try a new hairstyle, and start doing all the things you put off because of the relationship.
Everyday you must open your eyes with the goal of becoming better than the person you were yesterday. You aren’t any good to yourself or your child if you a crying emotional wreck. Don’t get me wrong you are allowed to be hurt and you are allowed to cry, but you cannot allow this to be the theme for your life – your child is depending on you and they need your support.
Singleness is a time to declare your independence – it’s a time to celebrate.
Things did not workout because God decided he wasn’t for you (you cannot miss or loose what God has for you). Now is a great time to get your girls together and celebrate – you just dodged the biggest mistake of your life.
If God took him away from you – he has something much better in mind. Now is the season to get ready for the blessings to come.
Dealing with your Ex does not have to look like a bad episode of reality TV. In fact, it should not look anything like that.Managing your emotions will be difficult but it will be easier to manage your emotions if you are aware of your triggers. Triggers are people, places and things that cause you to have an emotional breakdown. You must journal each day – doing a brain dump to recap your day and highlight the challenges and hiccups in your day. At the end of each week identify the things that caused you to have a meltdown and eliminate those things (hats, sneakers, pictures, toothbrush), reduce your interactions with him, and set boundaries.
You must go to family counseling – to become the best co-parent for your child. It will be some much easier for your child to transition into their new life – when they see you are transitioning well.
Before proposing the idea of counseling make is clear that the intent of the meeting is to become amazing co-parent for your child (nothing more). This will help you manage your emotions and transition from partners to parenting partners.
Not to mention you will have baggage and you have to dump that stuff somewhere.
When breakups happen emotions baggage will destroy you if you do not dump it. The two of you will have to dump your baggage before you can successfully move forward in a healthy relationship as parenting partners. A counselor will help you navigate the separation process to become better co-parents instead of bitter.
Thank you for sharing!!!