There are so many unspoken rules and expectations for the first date. The biggest one being who is supposed to pick up the tab. A recent report noted that the average date is estimated to cost $150 – $300 in different cities around the country – this is a huge expense when most dates do not result in a long-term relationship.
Let’s face it some of us go on dates without really giving much thought to having a serious relationship – some guys are reluctant to pay for the first date, because they don’t want to waste their time or money.
I took some time to reflect on my younger years and I came up with a few questions’ guys should ask before the first official date:
What are your future plans?
It is great to plan a future with someone you really care about, but you want to make sure it is you that she wants – and she is not looking for what you can do for her. There is a huge difference between someone wanting to build a life together and someone wanting “YOU” to build a life for them. To be clear, all women like nice things, but those who want a deep connect and truly care for a man will want more than material things. If a man fears that he will be left because gift giving stops or because they are not able to meet her demands he is better off walking away sooner than later.
What are you grateful for?
Having an attitude of gratitude goes a long way – both in life and in relationships. In keeping with this idea, it is usually a huge red flag when a woman is ungrateful. For example, if you take her out for coffee (to test the waters) and she turns her nose up and feels like you are too cheap – this is not a person you want to take on another date – let alone spend your life with. A woman who will love you according to your ability to finance her lifestyle cannot make you happy. The truth is some women believe the world owes them something. They believe you are useless if you are unable to meet or exceed her financial demands. Selfish women with an ungrateful heart have no desire for a deep connection – they belong by themselves.
Do you prefer to date someone that earns more or less than you?
One of top reasons for not only failed relationships, but failed marriages is finances. It is so important to talk about money early and often. The best way to know if you’re with a woman this doesn’t care about how much you make is simply by asking and listening to their response and paying attention to her body language. This is not to say you should only date a woman that is cool with you being an all-out bum, but she should not value you and having a relationship with you contingent on your income. I agree that both people must be financial stable and able to stand on their own prior to getting into a relationship, however character should carry weight as well. Although, money is important this should not dictate how someone is treated and the level of respect/love given. Don’t make the mistake of getting into a relationship or dating someone that values money over having a deep connection and life partner.
How important is it for her to learn and grow her career?
A sign that she is driven and is willing to come to the table with more than her appetite and good looks is having goals. An ambitious woman will be motivated to accomplish her goals and she will also be passionate about helping others. She will be driven by an innate sense of purpose and the desire to succeed both in her career and in a relationship. Most important she will not only chase her goals, but she will also include her man in them.